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<title>a soul that's born in cold and rain knows sunlight by bookofleviathan</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26708956">a soul that's born in cold and rain knows sunlight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookofleviathan/pseuds/bookofleviathan'>bookofleviathan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Terror (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Frottage, M/M, Praise Kink, Run-On Sentences, Wet Dream, discussions of Exhibitionism, edward little wants to fix this, irving-typical religious guilt, john irving cries in bed, john irving has low self-esteem</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:48:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26708956</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookofleviathan/pseuds/bookofleviathan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You must think me terribly adolescent,” John said, refusing to meet Edward’s concerned gaze. “I’ve not had a dream like that since, well... since I was a much younger man, anyway.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t exactly call you old, John,” Edward replied. “And besides, it happens to all of us, now and again.” Edward blew out the flickering candle flame and the room was again awash in darkness. He turned over to face John and lay a hand on the man’s shoulder. “Now,” he said, somewhat mischievously, “you might tell me what it is you were dreaming of.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lt John Irving/Lt Edward Little</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a soul that's born in cold and rain knows sunlight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamnassau/gifts">iamnassau</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/landofhorses/gifts">landofhorses</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelythen/gifts">steelythen</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">John awoke from the dream with a start, which inevitably roused the man who had, moments earlier, been sound asleep next to him.</p><p class="p1">“John, are you alright?” Edward asked, yawning and fumbling for the matchbook they kept on the bedside table. “Here, let me-“</p><p class="p1">John’s attempt to protest was interrupted by the striking of a match, the brief but sharp scent of burning phosphorus, and the lighting of a candle. In the newborn dim light, Edward looked back to John and immediately discerned the nature of the problem from the stain spreading over John’s nightshirt. “I see.”</p><p class="p1">“You must think me terribly adolescent,” John said, refusing to meet Edward’s concerned gaze. “I’ve not had a dream like that since, well... since I was a much younger man, anyway.”</p><p class="p1">“I wouldn’t exactly call you old, John,” Edward replied. “And besides, it happens to all of us, now and again.” Edward blew out the flickering candle flame and the room was again awash in darkness. He turned over to face John and lay a hand on the man’s shoulder. “Now,” he said, somewhat mischievously, “you might tell me what it is you were dreaming of.”</p><p class="p1">John moved closer, until Edward’s arms were around him, but groaned. “You’d think less of me.”</p><p class="p1">“I could never, John.”</p><p class="p1">“If you must know, I dreamt of the two of us. We were back in the wardroom on Terror, and there were... others.”</p><p class="p1">“Go on.”</p><p class="p1">“They were... touching me. And you allowed it. Encouraged it. Encouraged me to enjoy it, even. It is shameful, I know-“</p><p class="p1">“There is nothing shameful about you, love,” Edward reassured John, stroking his hair with a steady hand. “Did you, though? Enjoy it?”</p><p class="p1">“I did, yes,” John whispered after a contemplative pause. “I am sorry. To burden you with such troubled fantasies as those my sleeping mind would conjure. Please forgive me.”</p><p class="p1">“I will do nothing of the sort,” Edward replied, gentle but firm, “for there is nothing to forgive.” He lifted his other hand to John’s face, running a callused thumb over his cheekbone, flushed with an embarrassed warmth. “Believe me: you are many things to me, John, but never a burden.”</p><p class="p1">“I will try to believe it,” John whispered, still looking away. Edward could see the thin, watery moonlight that filtered in through the window on the opposite wall beginning to grow at the corners of John’s eyes, reflected in the tears welling up there. John was looking at him when he spoke again, his voice breaking. “I want to be good for you, Edward. I- I want to deserve this. To be worthy. Of you,” he rambled, panicked. “Edward, I-“</p><p class="p1">“Hush,” Edward said, moving in to kiss him, long, slow, and chaste at first, growing steadily into something more urgent, more ferocious. John let himself be kissed, hands in a white-knuckled grip on Edward’s nightshirt. Neither of them was paying enough attention to notice who initiated the shift, but within moments, John was on his back, with Edward hovering over him in a way that made him feel safe, protected. Edward kissed him deeper, biting softly at his lower lip and licking at his tongue. When he finally came up for air, he offered John no respite, instead kissing the tears from his cheeks, then moving lower to mouth at his neck.</p><p class="p1">“Tell me, John,” Edward breathed against the curve of his neck into his shoulder, “What did you enjoy?”</p><p class="p1">“What- what did I-“ John’s attempt at an answer was cut off by a sharp, high-pitched moan as Edward bit his earlobe and moved to graze his teeth against the sensitive skin behind John’s ear. “Your dream. What was good about it for you,” he murmured, face now pressed against John’s, nuzzling into his beard. “I want to give it to you, John.”</p><p class="p1">John was barely able to think, let alone conceal his thoughts. “I liked- I liked showing them,” he stammered. “It’s so <em>selfish</em>, Edward- <em>oh-</em>“</p><p class="p1">Edward had shifted and was straddling John’s lap and grinding his own length against John’s, still spent and sensitive from the dream, but somehow rising to attention once more. It was too much and not enough. <em>A selfish thing, indeed</em>, the voice in John’s head admonished, <em>that he would give so much to you and still you would be desperate for more, more even than you can take. Your cup runneth over and still you would beg for more. Greedy, John, fallen prey to the deadly sin of gluttony; the world, the flesh, and the devil-</em></p><p class="p1">“John,” Edward interrupted his spiraling thoughts, rolling his hips against John’s at an almost brutal pace and leaning down to rest his forehead against John’s. “So good, John. Tell me, love, tell me, <em>please</em>.”</p><p class="p1">John could no longer bear it. Fully hard now and desperately writhing beneath Edward, his thoughts began to overflow. “Want to- to show them how good you are to me, Edward. Want them to see how much you love me, that you would let me have such a thing, tell me you love me, Edward, please, I need-“</p><p class="p1">“I do, John, I do, I love you so. I would give you anything, anything at all. Give you all of me, everything I have, and still you would deserve more-“</p><p class="p1">Before he could protest, John reached his crisis, and Edward followed him over the edge, collapsing into his arms. They lay there for several moments, John savoring the warm, anchoring weight of Edward’s body atop his own, before Edward moved to lay at his back, wrapping his arms around John in a protective embrace. “If that is what you want, John,” Edward whispered, burying his face in John’s hair, “then you shall have it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Special thanks to Eliza, Percy, and Graham. This is your fault.</p><p>Title from Sunlight by Hozier.</p><p>Stay tuned for Chapter 2, in which certain ideas are acted upon.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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